Some Kind of Wonderful

2 weeks ago, I was in 85º weather, sitting in my room of suitcases waiting to be packed. Now, here I am.  Sitting in my room with suitcases that are really begging me to finish unpacking them.  In my weeks since being home, I’ve tried to cling on to everything Costa Rica that I can including my boxed up life. Lucky for my floor, it has finally been mostly cleared and again has room for my little feet to dance around on again.  

Being back has been arduous, to say the least.  It started out great, getting picked up at the airport by my wonderful friend, Emily.  But even that was bittersweet as I for the first time, said goodbye to Amy and Brandon (and Shawnté in Houston) in three months. Over the last week I’ve battled missing Costa Rica and trying not to talk about it non stop.  I still order with “Quisiera….por fa”, run out in traffic like a lunatic, and drive thinking that I own the road.  Pedestrians have the right away, say what!?!  Tis the season for millions of people to jam into malls, resulting in naturally bumping into people. This poses the challenge of  still saying “con permiso” “disculpame” and “perdon” (with permission, excuse me, pardon) and getting looks of “that girl is loca”. There’s lots of other things I didn’t prepare for with reentry, like how freakishly small a dime is, but for the most part I’m hanging in there.  

I have also made numerous strangers uncomfortable with popping their personal space bubbles.  In Costa Rica, personal space is pretty nonexistent, so respecting Americans and their large bubble has been hilariously awkward. My favorite moment?  I reached for a sugar packet at a coffee shop, and because my little hand went within 4 feet of this man standing on the other side of the counter, he backed away.  I literally laughed out loud and he looked at me like I was the crazy one. Oh, gringos.   

It’s been getting easier, but I find myself missing Costa Rica like crazy.  I miss speaking in Spanish, reading Spanish, and being in a Spanish speaking world. (I don’t miss the cat calls or avoiding eye contact with Tico men, though.)  I am overwhelmed with gringos everywhere I go; we’re so loud, obnoxious, and pushy.  My not-morning person self is thankful when I wake up, though, to not have to immediately switch to Spanish. I’ve been coping by looking through pictures, studying Spanish vocabulary, reading a 4th grade-level Spanish book, and listening to Prince Royce and Yaco on a loop.  My family is being really great. Letting me be a slob and a walking ball of unrestrained emotions has been, I’m sure trying, but for sure therapeutic (for me).  

The climate here has ruined me, too.  Since when did 34º become an acceptable temperature at which to dwell?  Answer:  I wanna kick that brilliant person in the shins.

One thing I know; Costa Rica changed me for the better.  I grew and changed so much as a person in three short months through the challenges, the fallbacks, the exciting joys life there treated me to.  I miss you humidified curly mop.  I miss you friends who MADE that adventure what it was.  I miss you warm weather.  I miss you Costa Rica.  

Siempre, Pura Vida 

Recently, my parents, Shawnté, and I were having a conversation about angels, and the question came up if we had ever believed to have met one.  I never had, to my knowledge. I don’t think I can say that anymore. 

Today, I walked down my road to a little pizza and milkshake stop to meet with a friend. We were going to say goodbye, so I was already a tad upset about it. (Goodbyes are the worst thing, by the way.)  I get there and she’s not, so I find a shady spot (It’s been sunny, my mamatica informed me, because she prayed for the gloomy weather to leave so we can not be so sad anymore.)

While sitting there, I start reliving the last goodbyes I said at that spot.  2 of my dear friends that left a month ago were the start of the farewells I’ve been saying; I thought it was hard then, but it just keeps getting harder.  These places I’m saying goodbye to are the places that I became friends with these people who are so and will forever be close to my heart.  Needless to say, I was pretty sad about it.

A man who was working outside, sort of next to me walked across the street and into what I assume is his house.  He returns moments later with a chair for me to sit in.  He told me that I should not have to sit on the filthy ground.  We ended up talking for a good 15 minutes.  Towards the middle, he asked me if I was in the group of gringos leaving.  (We live in a heavily gringo-student-infested neighborhood.)  

As I said yes, I started crying.  The poor man just looked at me with compassionate eyes and told me to sit.  He knelt next to me and just patted my knee.  He told me he would be praying for me and my trip and that I could hurry back to Costa Rica, because after all, this is the land God blessed.  It was the most surreal conversation, and even though I’ve been a mess all afternoon, there is now a definite peace about leaving that I feel that wasn’t there before.  Sure, there are tears, anxieties, and I want to dig my heels and in and throw a hissy fit about leaving.  But there is peace like a river now.

My directionally challenged friend got lost and didn’t show up, but that’s fine. I’ll be seeing her later, and her absence created this great opportunity for me. 

So today, I talked to an angel.  Today, I feel at peace with closing this chapter. Today, I realized that this adventure isn’t ending, it’s just changing locations.   

will be spent in my house in America.  I picture sitting at the bar while my mom makes enchiladas, eating with my parents, my dad and I being witty and my mom rolling her eyes, followed by an evening of classic rock and praise music played on my new guitar with the fam band.  The wood stove will be crackling, I’ll have snow pants and eskimo shoes on.

And Costa Rica will just be a sweet, sweet memory.

Thanks to all who made this adventure beautiful, exciting, and so hard to leave.  Even though the goodbyes truly stink, I’m thankful all of you came into my life.  I have been so incredibly blessed by this trip, and my heart hurts to think it’s almost over.  

But Costa Rica will always be a sweet, sweet memory.

Salta de fe!!!  AKA, jump of faith!  This was how I spent my afternoon with some great friends!  I got a tshirt and professional video, too!  Talk about awesome!  (Note to future jumpers: wear long pants or tall socks to protect your legs from the restraints)

I sent my mom this video right after I got back to assure her sanity that I was indeed alive.  She said “YOU ARE CRAZY!!!”  She also showed it to my sweet Grandma, who before I left, lectured me about not doing stupid and dangerous stuff here.  Her response?  IS SHE OUT OF HER MIND?  Well, no grandma, I just do love a good adventure.  

An interesting culture observation: 

Wearing shorts in San José is like wearing a sign “Hey, I’m a cheap hooker. Stare at me, say crude things, and expect me to give my body to you.” We learned that quickly as we were walking to the bus station to go to the beach and I felt like I needed body guards cuz I was showing thigh in my shorts. Weird.  

However, if women here wear the tightest, shortest skirts or dresses, the reaction is not the same. The other day I was walking in downtown, and there was a business lady, complete with a possy of businesspeople and briefcases who was wearing the shortest, tightest skirt I could ever think of, along with a lacy bustier and lacy sweater and HUGE heels. Yet, she was considered to be dressing professional.   

It’s one of those culture things that I will NEVER understand.   

Today, I am here.  Manuel Antonio. For my last weekend, I am naturally at the beach, soaking up the beauty I have been accustomed to living in these last 89 days.  Weird how times flies, and life adjusts to making this normal.  For now, though, I am rubbing it your faces that I’m in 85º sunny paradise.  Winner.

Last weekend, Shawnté and I headed to Jacó to zipline, while Brandon chilled at the beach. We bonded with two couples from Boston and they kept us laughing and entertained for sure!  Ziplining is so great, and I definitely suggest that if you EVER have the opportunity, DO IT!  We got to zipline through the  jungle watching the ocean.  We even got to go upside down!!!  I’d go again in a heart beat!  Talk about awesome views!  We also ended up at a surf competition (Costa Rica won!!!), and of COURSE, soaked up some rays in our tropical paradise!!!

When I flew into Costa Rica, I was going to be here for 97 days.  I had 97 days to adventure, learn, cherish.  Now I’m down to 9.  Single digits.  Where did the time fly to?  I feel like I’m living a dream here and don’t want it to stop.  What does that mean for me?Going back to America?  What does that even LOOK like?  

A conversation on my flight here with Amy and Brandon yielded these observations, which I’m realizing how true they are now that I’m staring down the barrel of home.  I’ve never been out of the country before this trip, and so re-Americanizing will be super hard for me this time; readjusting is always hard, but knowing who I am and how I throw my heart into my current living situations will be a test of patience of those around me.  I know how much I’m going to miss this place now.  Before, it was only a conjecture, and now it’s a fact.  

So, in my attempt to sort out emotions logically, I’ve complied lists to hopefully help myself start processing Ending Costa Rica.

Things I’m really going to miss:

• My friends here; from Fox and other states, and my Tico friends
• My Tico Family.  My mamatica and I cried a little tonight talking about leaving.
• Costa Rican Comida
• The climate.  The sunshine.  The humitidy.
• The beaches!!
• Not having to feel like I need a cell phone
• being done with classes everyday by 12 and having nothing else to do the rest of the day
• Always being able to use my Spanish without searching for opportunities
• My church here.  
• LIGA SOCCER!!!
• Living with Shawnté
• Public transportation.  Average cost one way here:  $4.00 for a four hour trip!
• Having my laundry done for me and breakfast and dinner always prepared
• The cheapness of most everything, especially movies.

I also complied a list of things I’m excited for America

• Shower with Water pressure
• Driving
• Hanging out with friends again
• Walking outside alone at night
• cooking for myself
• Not get cat called at even when I’m wearing sweats and a huge sweatshirt

We’ll see how reentry goes.  For now though, I’m living up my Costa Rica dream.